Hal Cruttenden

"Reminded me of how much I love stand up"

Dominic Maxwell, The Times

Hal Cruttenden is one of the top stand up comedians working in the UK today, as well as being a highly accomplished writer and actor.

He has made several appearances on ‘Live at the Apollo’, ‘Have I Got News For You’ and ‘The Royal Variety Performance’ as well as regular appearances on shows such as ‘Mock the Week’, ‘The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice’ and ‘The Apprentice: You’re Fired’. He’s written and starred in his own sitcom, ‘Hal’ on Radio 4 (co-written with Dominic Holland).  

Hal’s stand up shows, ‘It’s Best You Hear It From Me’, ‘Tough Luvie’, ’Chubster’ and ‘Straight Outta Cruttenden’ are available on Amazon Prime. Other TV appearances include ’Would I Lie To You’, ‘Pointless Celebrities’, ‘The Weakest Link Celebrity Special’, ’Richard Osman’s House of Games’, ‘The One Show’, ‘Celebrity Mastermind’, ’Let’s Dance For Comic Relief’, ‘Celebrity Chase’, ‘Celebrity Tipping Point’, ‘Guessable’, ‘The Melbourne Comedy Festival Gala’ ‘The Jeremy Vine Show’, ‘The Wright Stuff’, ‘Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live’  ‘Comedy Central at the Comedy Store’ ‘Just For Laughs Gala’,  ‘New Zealand International Comedy Festival Gala’, ‘7 Days’ and ‘The Project.

Hal has completed six nationwide tours: ‘It’s Best You Hear It From Me’ (2022/23)’Chubster’ (2018/19), ’Straight Outta Cruttenden’(2015/16), ’Tough Luvvie’ (2013/14), ‘The Tiny Rage Tour’(2011) and ‘Lively (2010). He is also a three time Chortle Award nominee and was nominated for the Perrier Newcomer Award back at the Edinburgh Festival in 2002. As well as writing and acting in his sitcom ‘Hal’, other Radio 4 appearances include being a team captain on ‘Britain versus the World’ , several spots on ‘Loose Ends’, ‘Act Your Age’, ‘Chat Show Roulette’ and ‘Four at the Store’. He has also appeared on many podcasts including ‘Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre Podcast’, ‘Evil Genius with Russell Kane’ and ‘Three Little Words’.

Having originally trained at the Central School of Speech and Drama, Hal’s acting career includes roles on TV and film in ‘Shackleton’; ‘Eastenders’; ‘Kavanagh QC’; ‘Out of the Blue’; ‘Touching Evil’ and ‘Bramwell’. He also appeared in the movie ‘Mrs Dalloway‘. Theatre work includes ‘Brexit’ and ‘Making News’ at the Edinburgh Festival and ‘Orwell A Celebration’ at Trafalgar Studios, London and the Edinburgh Festival. As well as his performances at Melbourne and the New Zealand Comedy Festival, Hal has appeared at Montreal’s Just For Laughs’ Festival three times and travelled all across Canada on their Just For Laughs Comedy tours. He has performed on two Just For Laughs Galas hosted by Joan Rivers (2008) and Howie Mandel (2012). Other international appearances include Kilkenny Cat Laughs Festival in Ireland and tours to India, Bermuda, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Belgium, Germany, Denmark, Norway, UAE, Qatar, Kuwait, Bahrain, Indonesia, China, Hong Kong and Singapore. For the British Armed Forces he has played gigs in the Falkland Islands, Cyprus and Germany.

‘Chubster’ is available on NextUPComedy.com and Amazon Prime

‘Straight Outta Cruttenden’ is available on Amazon Prime

‘Tough Luvvie’ is available at www.amazon.co.uk

Triple Chortle Award Nominee, Perrier Award Nominee

'He had the audience in stitches’

Daily Record

‘Clearly on top form, Cruttenden consistently delivers full on laughs’

Edinburgh Evening News

‘The funniest he’s ever been”

The Times

‘Go and see Hal Cruttenden, he’s got something to say and he’ll make you laugh; a lot.’

Daily Mirror

‘Naturally funny…challenging and provocative’

Daily Telegraph

"An intelligent, laugh-packed show."

Evening Standard

“An absolute joy to watch…fabulous”


‘As close to flawless as you could wish for.’

Melbourne Herald

“He had the audience eating out of his hands"



Scotland On Sunday

"You could see Hal play the O2…
he’s wonderful, truly wonderful"

Digital Spy
  • Guessable Comedy Central
  • Richard Osman's House of Games  BBC2
  • Have I Got News for You  BBC1
  • The Royal Variety Performance ITV
  • Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice BBC2/C4
  • Celebrity Mastermind BBC1
  • Live at the Apollo BBC1
  • The Good the Bad and the Unexpected BBC Radio Scotland
  • Mock the Week BBC2
  • The Apprentice: You're Fired BBC2
  • When Popstars Go Horribly Wrong C5
  • Tipping Point ITV
  • Greatest Ever Wind Ups C5
  • Naughtiest Cats Caught on Camera C5
  • Fred Macaulay at the Stand BBC Radio Scotland
  • Just a note to thank Hal for a great performance at The Mobile News Awards on Wednesday night. He was superb, let the audience engaged throughout did some fantastic comedy and had a great repartee with Voice Of God Jonathan Clays. They both made it one of the best Mobile News Awards. A hard act to follow next year. Mobile News Awards March 2024
  • Because our lunches are corporate events, we have to be sure that the comedians we choose for our events pitch it just right, Hal nailed it. Clean, up-to date, topical and hilarious. I spoke to him on the phone before and on the day of the event and he really took the time to understand the event and the audience in the room. We overran slightly on the day but Hal made sure he knew what time he had to play with and he delivered a great set. Many said he was the best comedian we’ve had at the event.Professional Golfers' Association
  • 'Hal was brilliant, so good. Amazing! A real pleasure to work with'.Thames Valley Property Awards 2023
  • Hal was great! We had comments on the night, and post-event saying how much they enjoyed Hal has a host. We would definitely book Hal again for one of our events. I hope Hal enjoyed working with us.Communicate magazine event 2023
  • "The event went really well and Hal was excellent, got really great feedback on him!" CompTIA UK&I Spotlight Awards 2023
  • "Hal Cruttenden was a revelation and masterful in the awards presentation"CECA Event 2023
  • “Hal was really good. He didn’t cover politics or covid which was great as I think both are a massive no these days”Wolseley Charity Gala Dinner 2023
  • "Hal visited our Christmas Party and set the lunch off to a brilliant start. Hal had the room roaring with laughter which left a lasting impression and continued into the afternoon. We couldn't have asked for better entertainment."Motive Agency Christmas event 2022
  • "The event went very well and I thought Hal was great! He got lots of laughs and I got some very positive feedback speaking to various people afterwards."British Homes Awards 2022
  • Hal was great, really enjoy working with him! The fire alarm went off as he was wrapping up the show. He handled it really well and made it very entertaining. Partnership Awards 2022
  • I have only heard positive feedback from staff and guests regarding Hal. I personally found him hilarious and he really knew how to keep the room engaged. Besides his performance, Hal was a pleasure to work with, he socialised with the crew throughout the day and kept a very positive charisma during the entire event.DIY Week Awards 2022
  • A massive THANK YOU to your team and Hal – he was absolutely amazing and the evening wouldn’t be the same without him – I really can’t thank you enough!Pirtek Annual Conference 2022
  • Hal was, as you can imagine, fabulous. The audience loved him as did we. He is an absolute joy to work with! Please pass on our huge thanks.UK Energy Innovations Awards 2022
  • It was amazing and Hal rocked it. He was sensational! He is a great talent. Right up there with the best. Thanks for your support.Mane Chance Sanctuary
  • The event was a great success and we raised over £90,000 for the charity. It was definitely a tough crowd... Hal was brilliant! Thanks again and I'm sure I'll be in touch in the future to book him againEnergy Rocks
  • Hal was a major hit at the event... honestly brilliant we had laughter the whole night. BVAA
  • A quick note the say just how great Hal was at our event yesterday! Absolutely smashed it, had us all in stiches and I had some VERY positive comments about him from our audience including: ‘Great start to the show...proper laugh out loud...’ ‘He is so funny, great choice!’ ‘I love Hal; h...i...l...arious’ Please let him know we thought he was greatManPower Group UK
  • 'Hal was great last night. Audience really liked him and he was a real pleasure to work with.' Datateam Business Media
  • Hal was brilliant on Friday performing in his library, and very much appreciated by all attending... we had a great evening!Stuart, Pickwick Bicycle Club
  • Just a quick note from me, firstly to say thank you – the event with Hal was brilliant! It went down a storm with the teams.Jo, Travelers Insurance Company Limited
  • "That was AWESOME !! Thanks and please pass praise on... Loads of really glowing comments"Mark Marriott Harrison LLP
  • "Some seriously good laugh out loud stuff" - Jabra "Our team had an amazing time!" - Deloitte99 Club Virtual Corporate Events
  • I just wanted to let you know that Hal went down a storm. Everyone loved him and I have had no negative feedback whatsoever. In fact, most people said that it was one of the best comedians we have had over the years. He hit just the right note. - The Music Publishers Association He went down an absolute storm, they really loved him and we had so many positive comments last night. He handled them perfectly, they can be quite a rowdy bunch but he kept them really engaged which was fantastic! It’s always lovely working with Hal, he’s a great guy.EMAP
  • It all went very well. Hal was great, the stand-up was very funny, and he interacted well with the audience. The awards went well too. He was also very pleasant and easy to deal with.Barker Brooks Media
  • Hal was a great speaker, very professional, very well received and was a pleasure to work with. He made the awards ceremony, which can be boring, entertaining and light hearted, but also kept the feeling that we are there to celebrate companies hard work. Faversham House Group
  • Short answer – he was hilarious!!! Had a great rapport with the audience and the sponsors as they came up to present, chatted away to winners when they collected their award, and really went down well with everyone. Nothing but positive feedback from all guests, and he was a nice guy as well so good from an organiser point of view too.Dewberry Redpoint
  • I wanted to that to say Hal was wonderful - on stage and off. He was very happy to mix in and was very relaxed which is very important to us. Please thank him for us for being such a lovely guy.Charlotte Sones, Commodities Now
  • Hal was absolutely fantastic and he went down a storm with the guests. Such a lovely man who was a pleasure to have met. Jayne Meegan, Blacklist Management Ltd
  • The Master of Ceremonies for the Awards Presentation was brilliant. I have not laughed that hard in some time. What a great way to give the Awards an extra edge. Well done on the awards presenter, I can't even remember the last time someone made me laugh that much! I was not the only one reduced to tears!The PAM Insight Awards
  • Hal was very professional before the event as well as helpful and co-operative on the night. His performance was very funny and had just the right level of tailored material for what was quite a select audience - thank you!Eva Schmitt, Premier Foods Group Ltd
  • Hal was a great success with the IoD Northern Ireland audience at our Annual Dinner. Amy Harrison Hal was fantastic and really well received by all of our guests. He was so engaging with the audience and was a real pleasure to work with.Linda R Brown, Director, IoD Northern Ireland
  • Hal was absolutely brilliant – what a lovely man as well. He had us all in fits of laughter, I haven’t heard a single piece of negative feedback about him from the evening. The audience loved him, he gave everyone a really good laugh!Rachael Game, CNR
  • I was at the Third Sector Awards on Thursday night and I just wanted to drop you a note to say how fabulous Hal was! He got the tone of the room just right and was extremely entertaining. I will definitely keep him in mind for hosting work in the future.Rachel Walker, Marie Curie
  • Hal was fantastic on Friday night ... very good craic indeed! .... Thank you for arranging everything for him to be with us, much appreciated. Leo Callow, Callow Events
  • I just wanted to say a huge thank you to Hal. Our clients and staff really enjoyed his performance and not only that but he was an absolute gent when we delayed him by an hour. Jones Lange LaSalle
  • Just a note to say Hal did an absolutely brilliant job on Thursday night for the UK Energy Innovation Awards. He was the perfect balance of funny, endearing and genuine, we received extremely positive comments from the client, sponsors and guests alike. From our perspective he was a delight to work with, nothing was too much trouble. Great recommend, we’ll definitely use Hal again for future events.UK Energy Innovation Awards.
  • Hal Cruttenden was brilliant. He was so spontaneous, judged the audience well, presented the awards bits of the evening in a timely and often funny manner and was a delight, really pleased with how the whole event went, sincere thanks to you and Hal.City Accountants Awards
  • Hal was AMAZING. The best response we have ever had to comedians at this even in all the years that it has been run. Absolutely fantastic! McDonald Butler
  • It went really well and Hal was brilliant! Lots of laughs all round!JLA

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